The Truth of Patience

True patience sees that within ourselves which is impatient. It recognizes that "rough spot" and can find humor in having been impatient. These are wonderful moments; we see that the thing we are impatient about isn't as serious as we've been making it out to be.

Once we see that, we can laugh and enjoy our lives more. When we put too much pressure on events outside ourselves, events over which we have no or little control, we, at that moment, make our lives immensely more difficult. We turn the screw of our stress and ratchet up our chance of becoming ill or, if we suffer a heart attack, our chance of dying.

Don't be in a hurry to die. Your day will come soon enough. And, I can guarantee you won't bemoan not finishing that project; you won't cry about not having enough time to sell one more whatsit.

You will regret putting off the important to do the ?? What? What should we call those things which cause us so much stress and really aren't that important in the grand scheme of our lives? True regret happens when we haven't lived with true patience, when we've tried to cram too much of the seemingly invaluable in instead of the truly invaluable.

Review of Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert

Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This is an enjoyable book, at times laugh-aloud funny, but always serious. The topics he covers have been covered before, but I can't remember the last time I enjoyed reading about them so much.

Gilbert states that we often don't really know what makes us happy; that we often do things believing they will make us happy, but we misjudge because we base our future on the memories of our past. Often, those memories are unreliable. These thoughts aren't new, but the way Gilbert presents them is and it is worth the laughs you'll get to read them.

It did slow down a little toward the end, the density of the information building, but Gilbert does a good job of keeping it accessible and fun.

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Review of The Tools by Phil Stutz and Barry Michels

The Tools: Transform Your Problems into Courage, Confidence, and Creativity by Phil Stutz
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I am working through The Tools: 5 Tools to Help You Find Courage, Creativity, and Willpower--and Inspire You to Live Life in Forward Motion a second time. Initially, I thought that a lot of what Barry Michels and Phil Stutz teach here seems very New-Agey. After thinking about the Tools, I see that the Tools have cognates in Buddhism (esp. Tibetan Buddhism as it has come to North America). Active Love can easily be related to the practice of Tonglen: giving and receiving. A person first must receive love before it can be given.

Okay, you can say: "That isn't real, you're not really giving anything to anyone." I have to agree with that. I'm reminded of Elizabeth Gilbert and the "sending light and love" idea she writes about in Eat, Pray, Love. Even if you don't believe that you are sending actual love to someone, that is not the point. The point is: You are practicing loving that person; if you love someone, you have a harder time being angry (or sad, vindictive, or any other negative emotional state) toward/about that person. I have used Active Love more than any of the other Tools in this book and I can say that it has made it easier for me to stop renting space to those people who have "done me wrong." We often give too much thought to those people we dislike. I have no idea why. But, if you're like me, i.e. sick of doing that, then you'll read this book and use these tools to STOP DOING THAT!!!

What these tools do (only if you use them and use them use them) is give YOU more control over what YOU focus on. And, that is what the last tool focuses on: how to keep yourself using the tools. The authors say that these are not magic pills that you can use only once and then forget. Like anything that really matters, you will have to work at making the changes you want to make in your life.

Barry Michels writes that he was skeptical about the Tools initially, too, but that as he kept using them he realized how much they were helping him. Yes, there may be a time of uncomfortable repetition, but eventually the lack of faith is overcome by belief; and any self help program requires some degree of faith (in my humble opinion).

The authors recommend really sticking to the program, really giving it your all; they recommend not trying them once and then, immediately jumping on to another program and then, to another. As the writers argue is what is often done in consumerist societies: always looking for a magic pill, whether it's weight-loss, money-making, time-management, or whatever.

I have had some success with these tools. Does that mean that you'll have success with them? I have no idea. As usual, all I can say is: read it and use them and see for yourself.

Get yourself a copy, here:
The Tools: 5 Tools to Help You Find Courage, Creativity, and Willpower--and Inspire You to Live Life in Forward Motion

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Review of Don Miguel Ruiz's The Four Agreements

The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Growth by Miguel Ruiz
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

A simple, but not simplistic, twist on personal growth and self-help. Several times the author states that is takes a strong will to make and keep these four agreements. The beauty is that they are things that we should be doing anyway.

If you're interested in self-help, personal growth, or just plain, good wisdom, then I recommend this book. But, be careful: you may find yourself making some serious agreements with yourself that will change your life.

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Review of Robert Kurzban's Why Everyone (Else) is a Hypocrite

Why Everyone (Else) Is a Hypocrite: Evolution and the Modular Mind by Robert Kurzban
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This is an excellent book on the modular view of the mind. I particular enjoyed the chapters on deception and self-deception.

If you're interested in evolutionary psychology, this is a great book to start an investigation of the subject.



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Review of Robert Wright's The Moral Animal

The Moral Animal: Why We Are the Way We Are: The New Science of Evolutionary Psychology by Robert Wright
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I was introduced to this book during a course on Buddhism and Modern Psychology. Wright covers a lot of ground in this well organized and tightly written book.

Wright doesn't hand down laws, saying "This is how it is," but rather leads with questions and tries to work out the answers based on Darwinian Natural Selection. This is not an easy task; so much is not available when examining the world from a purely materialistic point of view. When one is not allowed to give credit to supernatural, or even non-biological mental events, it really demands a serious and deep interrogation of the biological, chemical, and other physical causes of why people do the things they do. Wright uses several events from Darwin's life as examples, and in doing so makes both evolutionary psychology and Darwinian Natural Selection accessible to his readers.

If you're interested in morality, Darwin, evolutionary psychology, or why people do what they do, this is an excellent read.

If you're not interested in those topics, it's STILL and excellent read! I highly recommend it.

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Review of The Words of My Perfect Teacher

The Words of My Perfect Teacher by Patrul Rinpoche
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I read this out of curiosity more than out of a desire to live this way. Tibetan Buddhism is the most ritualistic and "religious" of the forms of Buddhism that I have looked at so far. And, a lot of the information in this book is meant to be used in conjunction with the oral transmission of a qualified teacher. Much of it seems require the learner/practitioner/student to live monastically, but apart from that the teaching on equalizing and exchanging, and on bodhicitta are worth the time to read, not only for Buddhists, but for anyone interested in living better in this violent world. Those chapters, which reinforced what I have learned on these subjects from other books, were very helpful in overcoming difficult emotions and thought processes. Those teachings have helped me look at the world and at other people differently. I am far from a Bodhisattva, and quite honestly, don't know whether that is a state that I could ever attain, but just attempting to cultivate a heart and mind of love and compassion will help make (at least my part of) the world a better place.

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Get your copy, here:
The Words of My Perfect Teacher: A Complete Translation of a Classic Introduction to Tibetan Buddhism (Sacred Literature Trust Series)

Review of Proof of Heaven, by Eben Alexander

Proof of Heaven: A Neurosurgeon's Near-Death Experience and Journey into the Afterlife by Eben Alexander
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I can understand where Dr. Alexander is coming from in this book. He was a materialist science-based doctor, who occasionally attending church, but had no real belief in a deity or an afterlife. Then, after his coma, he believes his experiences while in coma to be "real." He believes that he met God/the creator, and was given many "answers" to questions, etc.

My problem with this is: all of what he says sounds very much like a mixture of several of the world's religions: Christianity, Hinduism and Buddhism, mostly. This does not discount his experience, but like all experience, it is subjective and if he (along with anyone else who "believes" his words) gets caught by those words or becomes attached to those experiences, he is then in essence following a new religion.

Some of the things he said "felt" true to me, in other words, I didn't get a definite "NO! That's a lie and that can't be true." For example: he said something along the lines that all the universe is based on love and compassion.  That is a Buddhist idea with which I agree.  But, that does not validate Alexander's experiences. Who am I? Other things in his experiences were just too convenient; I won't say what they are because I don't what to spoil the book for anyone else.

What it really comes down to for me is that if you need this kind of "proof" you probably won't accept it, in much the same way that Dr. Alexander did not accept the ideas and experiences of others who had had NDEs before he did. Any experience that CANNOT be replicated, tested, and ultimately be disproved, is NOT scientific; Dr. Alexander, a self-proclaimed scientist, should have known this and that he seems to overlook that gives me pause. He also claims that his NDE was not like others, which then, negates the idea that it indeed had been replicated. There does not seem to be enough knowledge of the causes of these experiences, and given that they are often similar is not enough to prove them outright.

The author states that science is not giving enough attention to this area, i.e. consciousness. The problem is that which I mentioned above: the experience cannot be duplicated and so there is nothing for science to do. True science is based on hypotheses that can be tested; how can I (if I were a scientist) test, i.e. replicate Eben Alexander's experience? How can anyone do that without being in exactly the same situation? The answer is, they can't. Each of those factors: the problem that caused the coma, the coma itself, the exact drugs that were used to treat the problem, the environment, etc.: all those have to be duplicated and get the same result (his experience). Given that what caused his coma is extremely rare, it is unlikely that anyone will have the same or even a similar experience anytime soon. There is no way to test and thus, no way to prove the experience was, as Eben Alexander says, "real."

That being said, they cannot be disproved, either, at least not at our current ability. So, the best stance for me is agnostic, as it was before I read this book. I'm not convinced by his story. You may be, and that is your prerogative. You will have to read it and make up your own mind.



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Talent is Made, You Can Make It!

The Talent Code: Greatness Isn't Born. It's Grown. Here's How. by Daniel Coyle
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This is an amazing book. I like the way Coyle breaks down brilliance in several fields. He makes the points that what we usually consider to be genius or talent is actually a combination of several factors, including (most importantly) deep practice. Daniel Coyle went to several talent hotbeds, as he called them, and talked to master teachers, coaches, etc., and observed several students in several areas: sports, music, etc.

If you're interested in how talent is developed, this is a good read. I would recommend it for anyone who liked Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers. Or anyone interested in success in any field.

This is one that I want to read, again and again.

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I Choose to Live in Happiness

Life is too short to get caught up in other peoples' negativity.  Someone will always try to make you feel inferior, to feel like a loser, to feel like you are stupid.  It is up to you to allow these things to make you feel inferior, or like a loser, or to feel stupid.  Your thoughts are what will make you feel positive or negative, angry or not.

You can control your mind and you can train it to be positive in the face of the barrage of negativity from those who believe they are better than you, but are in reality hypocrites, because they don't even live up to their own professed values that they accuse you of failing to live up to.  And, yes, I ended that sentence with a preposition!

I will be happy and I will win!  Happiness comes from within.  I choose to let that happiness have the prominent place in my life.

I will live in love and compassion.  I will help as many other people to find happiness as I am able.  I know that I will not, indeed: CANNOT, help everyone.  But, I will in all cases, be myself.  If you can handle that, I appreciate it; if you can't, I will do it anyway!

I choose a happy life! :-D

Peace!