Mindfulness for the Holidays

NOTE: This is a post I wrote for NAMI Juneau's Blog and Newsletter. A big thank you to Crystal for her editing!

The holidays can be a wonderful time of year. They can also be stressful and for some individuals living with a mental illness, the holidays may exacerbate symptoms. Perhaps there is the loss of a loved one who is not joining the family at the table this year. There may be negative or strained family dynamics that make it difficult to gather. There can be the stress of trying to find the right gift for everyone, or if money is tight, not being able to buy gifts at all. If any of the above sounds familiar, this may be the time of year for serious self-care.

When I notice signs that mental illness is rearing its head and triggers are going off left and right, I find that stepping back and practicing mindfulness is a quick and powerful way to care for myself. Mindfulness practice has gained a large following. I think some people avoid the practice out of fear that it is too difficult or too involved, but at its core, mindfulness is simply the act of keeping the mind on what is happening inside and outside of your body.

Some teachers recommend starting with a small piece of fruit, like a raisin or a plum and simply using your senses to notice all you can about that object: the color, texture, scent, taste, and possibly sound. They also state that there is no goal of mindfulness. It’s not about relaxing or attaining an enlightened state. If you are searching for those, you are, by definition, not practicing mindfulness. That is not to say that relaxation doesn’t occur while practicing and there are many relaxation techniques which rely on mindfulness. But, aiming at a goal takes you out of the present, which is where mindfulness happens.

Jon Kabat-Zinn is one of the most popular teachers of secular mindfulness with his book Mindfulness for Beginners, and his more extensive book, Full Catastrophe Living which is based on the 8-week Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction workshop. The first is a basic, sound introduction to the practice, the other is an 8-week course for reducing stress in all areas of life using mindfulness.

This newsletter is not the place to give a complete introduction to this practice, but a sample may be in order. Here is a three-minute practice to try:

1. Take a moment to be still. This is your time for mindfulness practice.
2. Begin this mindful check-in by feeling into your body and mind and simply allowing any waves of thought, emotion, or physical sensation to just be.
3. Maybe this is the first break you have had, today. Maybe you’ve been busy. As you enter the world of being rather than doing, you may notice the trajectory of the feelings that you’ve been carrying within yourself.
4. There’s no need to judge, analyze, or figure things out. Simply allow yourself to be here and now, in the middle of everything that is present at this moment. We’ll take about three minutes to check in with ourselves in this way.
5. As we near the end of this mindful check-in, congratulate yourself for taking the time to do this practice and to directly contribute to your health and well-being.

(Adapted from Stahl, B., & Goldstein, E. (2010). A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications. p 21).

As far as that gift buying stress, this article in PychCentral says, “New research from American University proposes that mindfulness can counteract the adverse impacts of mindless consumption due to automatic thoughts, habits, and unhealthy behavior patterns.” The key to mindfulness is awareness.

Mindfulness won’t change you. What it will do is provide more awareness of what you are doing and experiencing, allowing you to make the changes you want to make.

—————

Here are a few more resources for handling grief, the feeling of having too much to do, and healthy boundaries.

Here’s to a less stressful, mindful holiday season!

Alonzo

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Review of Maurer's One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way

I had heard of this concept, but it was only about a year ago that I picked up this book. Immediately, I found ways that small steps could help me make the changes I wanted to make in a couple of areas. Still, because of life and demands, it took me a while to finish it. But, I did. One small step at a time. That's a half joke with a whole truth.

It's not like there is no place for large steps. Many times, though, we tend to overwhelm ourselves with that idea and freeze ourselves. Nothing changes. We don't move.

One really good thing about small steps is that course correction is more easily facilitated.

Maurer writes, "Try to see kaizen as a process that is never done." It's a way of looking at and approaching things that we can use throughout our lifetimes and in several realms. It's not just a business book. It's a thinking book.

If your life's perfect, you probably don't need this book. For the rest of us, it's pretty handy. I recommend at least giving it a shot.

One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way, by Robert Maurer


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Review of John P. Kotter's A Sense of Urgency

Wow! In a good way, wow! I have read several business/management/leadership books. A Sense of Urgency is unlike many, maybe even most.

It is simple without being dumbed down. It is heavy with usable ideas without a lot of incomprehensible jargon or pretension. It is written in clean, sharp and well-written prose.

If you run a business, or if you are breathing air, this book can give you tools to get that true sense of urgency that so many crave but don't know how to get. One reason, as Kotter points out, is because of a false urgency. That was an eye opener for me, even though I have long realized that a lot of action does not equal quality action. My misconception was that a lot of energy would lead to urgency, which it does; but, this is often false urgency. So, Kotter shows the difference between the false and the true, then goes on to give practical ways to gain the latter and diminish the former.

If you are looking for that little spark to get a fire under your organization's butt, you could do worse than reading this book. If you've had success and can't fathom why the drive and urgency are gone, it would behoove you to read this book. If you want to know how to motivate yourself and others, read this book.

It's a short read and is free of pompous, windbaggy words, so it won't pull you away from Wheel of Fortune or Criminal Minds for too long. And it may just free up a little time for you to more fully enjoy this thing called life.

Thinking Big and Cheesy Fun Stuff

David Schwartz's The Magic of Thinking Big is good pep-talk stuff, and it's funny in a corny way. Maybe it's the age of the book, maybe it's just me. Some of the concepts are familiar from other self-help books. Because they copied Schwartz, right? That's probably what he'd say. 
;-)

I listened to the audiobook and had some extra fun listening at slower speed. It made the author sound like he was three sheets to the wind, and it was that much funnier because he's also trying to sound serious and profound. It helped me remember those parts....

There are a few other narrators. Some do pretty well, others sound like they're reading, which they are ... so I guess that's okay? Just sometimes it tends to pull me out of the book.

And but so, a couple of concepts I don't fully agree with, which doesn't mean they're wrong. I may agree with them tomorrow. And, his illustrations aren't always PC. I don't care so much about that, but I'm more sensitive to those things than I used to be. That isn't stopping me from getting the good stuff out of this audiobook. Some of which can be used immediately.

I don't think The Magic of Thinking Big is for everyone. For example, chihuahuas wouldn't get much out of it, since they already think they're bigger than elephants. Almost anyone else can probably get at least one useful idea out of it and, often, that makes it worth the time to read or listen. I was reminded of several tools which I had sorta forgotten about, so I'm glad I listened to this audiobook.

In the end, you have to decide if you like it or not. Don't let others choose what you read. That's part of thinking big and being in control of your life: deciding what you want/need to read.

Benjamin Disraeli said, "Life's too short to be small."

So, go live big!

The Magic of Thinking Big was recommended by Tim Ferriss (fourhourworkweek.com).

Writing Life

Writing is almost like air and water and food for me. Yet, I have yet to make a living doing this thing I love more than (dare I say it?) chocolate. When someone asks me what I do, the first thing that always wants to tumble from my lips is: "I'm a writer." Then, in this oh-so-grown-up and serious world in which we live, I realize that the inquisitor wants to know how I put victuals on my family (Thank you G. W. Bush). Then, I sigh, because that's what you do when you're forlorn, and give them some long, rambling blah blah that bores them and me and the fishes of the sea. These latter have been known to drown themselves from utter boredom.

So, why is it so damn difficult to send my writing out into the world? Surely I'm the only writer who feels this way. I am the only person writing in the safety of anonymity. But, who, unlike the Earl of Oxford, hasn't money with which to pay someone to let me ghostwrite for them and to persuade them to keep my identity secret. Alack the day.... The question, then, should be: "What do I want from my writing?" And: "Can I get that by writing 'only for myself'?"

Maybe you've seen Anonymous. In that film, the Earl of Oxford tells Ben Jonson that all art is political and if it's not then it's mere decoration. I have been thinking on that since I heard it. It has gnawed and scratched the recesses of my skull. Is it true? Is it not true? Is my challenge that I don't like politics? Is my challenge that I like chocolate too much? If I write with these things in mind, how will that feel? Or, maybe the artist doesn't keep the political gobbledygook in mind, but rather it just sorta seeps out like the toxins in sweat. Perhaps.

I know I'm somewhat nervous about sending my writing out. All kinds of thoughts work on me. E.g. What if I'm delusional and this sucks so badly that it makes people want to rip their eyeballs out? What if it's sooooo bad that it's like I'm unconsciously putting all my garbage out on on other people's lawns? What if others hate it so much that I am forbidden to ever eat chocolate again? Ever!

I have read many horror stories. No, not Stephen King's fiction, but rather his non-ish-fiction memoir, On Writing. He talks about the rejection letters. Other writers do this, too. It's like:

"See my scar?"
"Oh yeah? Look at mine!"
"That's nothing! I've lost a finger!"
"..."
"Why's that guy pointing at the air?"
"I think he's trying to tell us that he's lost his head."
"Oh yeah? Well, I've had my brainchild story rejected a gazzillion and eighty times...."

I think the writers who share those anecdota are in a sadistic way trying to encourage us lesser mortals. My self-doubt demons always chime in. "See, real writers get rejected. What hope do you have? No one wants to read your drivel. You should "keep it secret, keep it safe." You wouldn't want to be responsible for someone hurting themselves by inflicting that on them..... And on, and on it goes.

But, I know I'm the only one who feels this way, so I'm sorry for subjecting you to all of this codswallop.

Cheers!